The Whys Behind It
by bits of glass
Summary: The mane six ponder why each mare received the element of harmony that she had.


Twilight smiled. It had been too long since all her friends had been together at once. And even longer since they had all been on a campout together. Well, some tents and a small fire within sight of the Apple family's farmhouse wasn't quite camping but they way they all were laughing and carrying on, they could have been on the moon and still it would be just the same. Leaning her head back, Twilight closed her eyes and listened to the voices of her friends, simply enjoying the atmosphere.

They were all so near and dear to her. Each mare had taught her so much about life and friendship and even her own self. They had all earned her trust, her admiration and her loyalty.

Loyalty.

That was a word that called Rainbow Dash to mind, but there were so many other words to describe her with as well. She was brave, strong, dependable and honest. 'A lot like Applejack, actually.' Twilight thought. 'Wait a second…' Twilight scrunched her face up in thought, a question forming in her mind.

"You okay, Twilight?" Pinkie's voice cut in on Twilight's budding revelation. "You look like you have a tummy ache."

"Oh, I believe I brought along some antacid, dear." Rarity chimed. "Just let me-"

"No, no." Twilight waved off the thought. "It isn't that. I just thinking about something is all."

"Care to share?" Applejack shifted her attention from stoking the fire to the lavender alicorn.

"Yeah, have any of you ever thought about why we each received the elements that we did?" Twilight's friends went silent for a moment. None of them had considered that before but all of them were now a bit curious as well.

"What do ya mean?" Applejack broke the brief silence.

"Well, think about it." Twilight shifted a bit, shrugging her wings. "Rainbow Dash and Applejack could have just as easily ended up with each other's element instead of their own. In fact any of us could have ended up with any of them. So why did the elements choose who they chose? Luck of the draw?" Twilight chuckled. "I mean, there's gotta be a reason, right? Reactionary artifacts like those _always_ have a reason, that's how they function; they need a trigger to activate." Twilight paused and looked around the fire at her friends. "So what was the trigger?" Again her friends fell silent. Each mare crafting her own theories and ideas.

"Well I know why you got yours, Twilight." Pinkie hopped a bit, turning to face Twilight. "Magic is your special talent, it's like, what you do." She giggled. "I mean, no pony is as good at magic as you are."

"Well, I wouldn't say that." Twilight smiled. "And besides, the element of magic didn't represent magic at large, it represented the magic of friendship specifically. And each of you knew more about friendship as fillies than I did on the day we received the elements. I mean, I guess that the argument could be made that it was still was a type of magic and therefore fell into my talent range, but not all of our cutie marks lined up with what our elements represented. At least not as well as yours did." Twilight stopped for a moment to articulate and each of her friends waited patiently.

"Applejack's could've been argued for on a conceptual level, I suppose." Twilight said at last. "When you think about the phrase 'an honest day's work' and consider that her special talent revolves around farm work, which as we all know is all lot of 'honest work.' But it wouldn't matter anyway, if anypony's special talent lined up well with their element, because we have solid proof with other elements that special talents had nothing to do with their selection at all. Like in the cases of Rarity and Rainbow Dash. Neither of their talent pools have anything to do with their respective elements. Which brings us back to square one, what trigger caused the elements to choose the pony that they chose?"

Again the group lapsed into silence. This was the first time any of them had bothered to question the workings behind the elements. Until then, the elements had chosen who they had and that was all anypony needed to know.

"Perhaps," Rarity ventured. "They were some form of deep magic?"

"Oh no," Twilight shook her head. "Deep magic triggers are staggeringly complicated, and all of the deep magic artifacts we know of are either sealed away, have been destroyed or are simply too dangerous to even get near them."

"Maybe we're just that awesome." Rainbow shrugged. "I mean, that's how everypony gets their cutie marks, right? Finding what they're awesome at?"

"That's actually plausible, that they function similarly to a cutie mark." Twilight nodded. "But then again, that would insinuate that the elements were already pre set to attach to specific ponies in a specific line of succession on into forever. And there are no enchantments like that that I know of."

"What about like, magical family heirlooms?" Applejack finally piped up. "Ain't they set up for lines of succession or whatever?"

"No," Twilight answered. "They still function through triggers, though sometimes more than one, making it appear that their activating for a specific pony rather than their activation triggers so I can see why you'd bring that up. That was very astute, Applejack."

"Thanks Twi." AJ smiled. "Didn't help us find an answer though."

Silence once more befell the group. This puzzle seemed to be more difficult than anypony had initially realized. This new break in conversation lasted for several minutes before Pinkie finally brought everypony out of their thoughts.

"I um… I think I know why mine chose me." All present immediately forgot their trains of thought and focused wholly on Pinkie. Not because they were eager for a possible answer but because there was something very off about Pinkie's tone. She was quiet. Almost subdued. Not like her normally bubbly self at all. And the pause after her statement wore on long enough for at least Rarity to get antsy.

"Well," The white unicorn motioned to Pinkie. "Do tell, dear."

"Okay, um…" Pinkie drew in a deep breath and sighed. "You girls all know that I grew up on a rock farm, right? It was… when I was younger it was pretty awful. There was no smiling, no laughing, no playing just… gray. Gray rocks, gray ground, gray sky… Everywhere you looked, it was gray. It wasn't just boring there, it was downright oppressive. And that's a big word for me, so you know I mean it." Pinkie chuckled weakly but no pony laughed with her. "But, uhm… when I was little I use to wonder, is this gonna be my whole life? Am I just gonna go on living in this big colorless hole, always hiding how I feel behind a stern expression like my father? Always bitter and angry when I do let some emotion show, like my mother? Am I gonna die, never really finding out who I am?" Rarity and Twilight scooted a little closer to their friend and the others leaned in, anxious for the pink party pony to continue. Hoping to see a happier turn in this tale soon.

"I cried myself to sleep every night for a real long time. I went days without speaking to any pony, can you imagine?" Pinkie frowned and her eyes welled up a bit with tears. "Me, silent for days and not a single one of them asked if I was okay. I don't even think they noticed. So one day, I was out in the fields, rotating one of our crops…" She paused to steady herself. "And I um… I was out near the well. I remember I walked over to the well and I… I climbed up onto the edge of it and I…" Pinkie's focused on something far away as she paused on more time. Rarity leaned over, resting her head on Pinkie's shoulder, her own sapphire eyes shining like Pinkie's.

"You don't have to go on, darling." Rarity offered softly. "If its too painful…"

"No," Pinkie said. "I want to tell you girls, I _have_ to." She cleared her throat and continued. "I remember looking down into the well, watching that tiny speck of light from the water way down at the bottom… and remember wondering how long it would take for them to realize I was gone. Wondering who all would show up at my funeral, who would cry the most, who would miss me…"

"I would…" Rainbow's voice trembled weakly.

"Oh, Pinkie." Twilight rose a hoof to her snout and leaned in to wrap a wing around her pink and white friends.

"Then the dinner bell rang," Pinkie continued without addressing either of them. "And I thought, hey, why not enjoy a last meal first. And if any of them ask if I'm okay or if anything was wrong or even for me to pass the peas, then I would forget about the well. So, after dinner, I started trotting back out that way and… well," Pinkie smiled and looked at Rainbow. "That's when I saw your rainboom. You didn't just help me earn my cutie mark that day Dashie. You saved my life."

Rainbow jumped up from her spot and trotted quickly over to Pinkie. Rarity and Twilight moved enough for Rainbow to wrap her fore legs around Pinkie, who was quick to return the gesture.

"And I never got to thank you for that." Pinkie said between sobs. "So thank you, Dahie." Rainbow only tightened her grip and sniffled.

It wasn't long before Applejack and Fluttershy joined in on the group hug and once all the tears had settled down, everypony moved back to her original spot, aside from Rarity, who stayed glued to Pinkie, and Twilight, who had given her spot to Rainbow so that the pegasus could be closer to Pinkie as well.

"Pinkie?" Twilight was the first to speak. "That was important for you to say, surely. But why do you think that that's why the element of laughter chose you?"

"Well, because I know what it's like to have a life with no laughter in it at all. And it really sucks, lemme tell ya." Pinkie chuckled. Not quite back to her old self, but still getting there. "So once I discovered that joy, I never wanted to let it go and I wanted as many ponies as I could reach to share it with me."

"I think I see what you mean." Twilight nodded. "You're saying that because of... all that, you have a different kind of understanding of your element. Like a deeper appreciation." Pinkie bobbed her head, her pink curls bouncing along with the motion. "Huh." Twilight rubbed a hoof under her chin. "That very well could be a trigger. That kind of understanding would be rare. Well, hopefully it would rare."

"I might…" Fluttershy spoke up for the first time sense the conversation had been started. "I might have some supporting evidence."

"Oh, not you too." Rarity's ears dropped. "there's only one of me dear, I can't hold on to both of you at once."

"Oh no, you can stay over there with Pinkie, it's no big deal really." Fluttershy smiled. "All of this is in my past now anyway, I moved past it a long time ago."

"If you're sure you'd like to share," Twilight motioned with her wing. "then you know we're all here to listen."

"Of course." Fluttershy nodded. "When I was younger, I had confidence issues. I didn't think of myself of being anything special. You see, no pony paid much attention to me. Well, aside from calling me names, or making fun of me. But other than that, I rarely got a passing glance. Kindness was a scarce commodity." Her smile faded. "Even from my parents." She shifted uncomfortably and went silent for a moment. She hadn't thought the memories of her parents would be as painful as they were. "I uhm… I still write to them. Every week. I mail the letter off before meeting Rarity for our spa dates. They do respond occasionally. On holidays sometimes, they'll send a post card or something. They don't send birthday cards anymore though." Fluttershy thought for a bit, then nodded. "I'm fairly certain they've forgotten when my birthday even is."

"Surely they haven't." Rarity couldn't even wrap her head around the idea. "I mean there must be a better reason than having forgotten their own daughter's birthday." Fluttershy regarded Rarity silently for a brief moment before focusing on the fire.

"The last birthday card I got from them was on December 19, two years ago." Some of the others winced at this. "So… maybe all of this isn't as behind me as I'd like it to be." She wiped a solitary tear from her cheek. "But that's okay. Because now I have all of you to prove that… well, that all the things I used to think about myself were wrong. When you take time out of your day to be there for me, I know that I am important. When you remember little things about me that I barely notice myself, I know that I am memorable. When you ask if you can spend your free time, that you could be using to do something you enjoy, to just hang out with me, I know that I am special. Those are all things about myself that I forget very easily." She looked back up at her friends and smiled again. "And I'll always do my best to remind you that you are all of those things too, if you ever forget."

Fluttershy's story had moved Rarity and Twillight back to tears. "That's a beautiful sentiment, Fluttershy. And I'm sorry about the way your parents treat you. You deserve so much better."

"It's not your fault Twilight. Like I said, it's you and the girls that make it all worth it." Fluttershy moved closer to Twilight and offered an affectionate little nuzzle.

"Ya know," Applejack spoke up. "I'm starting to think that the trigger we're lookin' fer is somethin' along the lines of 'received bad parenting.'"

"I don't think so." Pinkie said. "My parents actually loosened up a lot after I earned my cutie mark."

"Well mine an' Fluttershy's weren't so great." AJ got up and grabbed a log of the wood pile nearby.

"Wait, what happened with your parents?" Rainbow Dash asked. She and Applejack had had an unspoken agreement that parents were a forbidden topic between the two of them. But considering the way that night had been going, the agreement could probably be forgotten.

Applejack didn't say anything until she had tossed the log on the fire and sat back down. She sat for a minute or so, thinking, before letting out a heavy sigh.

"Y'all really wanna hear this?" She asked looking up at the others.

"If you're ready to tell us." Twilight nodded.

"Alright then." Aj sighed once more. "It… all sorta happened at once. Like a bomb goin' off or somehtin'. I just woke up one mornin' an' my momma was gone. Just… cold, layin' there in bed. She never said anything to any pony about how she was sick, we don't even know what she was sick with or for how long. Guess she never wanted to worry us. She was like that, always givin' an' never askin' for anythin'. She was the rock of our family, I can't tell y'all what loosin' her meant to us. Before the loss could even sink in though, my daddy, he…" Aj shook her head. "He started packin' his bags. Said he loved momma more than anything in the world and that with her gone he didn't have a reason to stay no more. I asked him, what about us? Me an' Mac an' Apple Bloom? Don't ya love us too?" The orange mare paused again, taking a deep breath and heaving another heavy sigh. "He looked me in my eyes and said 'No, I ain't never loved any of you.' Can you believe that? I wasn't no older than Apple Bloom an' he told me to mah face that I was nothin' to him. He said, 'I acted happy for her, but I got no reason to keep the act up anymore. She's gone. And I'm on my way out.' Then he left. We never saw him again."

"Applejack that's…" Twilight shook her head. "Terrible. I can't even imagine…"

"I can." Rainbow's scratchy voice cut in.

"You too?" Aj asked.

"Yup." Rainbow nodded, looking into the fire. "I mean, it wasn't the exact same situation, obviously. Just… one night my mom tucked me in, which was weird 'cause she never did that. It was usually my dad, I didn't get to see mom that much. She was always too busy for me." Dash huffed. "So I was so excited to have her tucking me in, I didn't really question it. She said, 'Good night Dashie, I love you and I'll see you in the morning.' And when I woke up I ran down stairs to see her, but she wasn't there. Just dad, sitting at the table, tears in his eyes and a note in his hooves. She ran out on us. Up and left 'cause we we're 'holding her back.'" Rainbow made the air quote gesture with her hooves. "But its whatever." she tried to sound nonchalant, but the pain in her voice was clear. "Who needs her anyway. I have my dad and I have you guys now too. And a billion of her wouldn't make half of one of you guys." She smiled. "I mean, I'd say I turned out pretty good without her around."

"But of course, darling." Rarity chimed. "One doesn't need good role models to become a good role model.

"Exactly what I'm saying." Rainbow stretched her wings before laying down on her belly. "I mean, a bad role model is just as important as a good one, right? 'Cause they show ya how _not_ to act."

"I agree with you, Rainbow," Rarity nodded. "And I empathize with you completely on the sentiment."

"Oh yeah?" Dash quirked an eyebrow at the unicorn. "Sounds like it's your turn."

"Hm? Oh no, I couldn't." Rarity shook her head.

"Come on Rare," Rainbow sat back up. "Every pony else is venting their baggage tonight. You might as well too."

"Rainbow," Twilight gently chided. "If Rarity isn't ready to drudge up painful memories then she doesn't have to."

"No no, you misunderstand." Rarity shook her head. "You've all faced such terrible trials. I don't have anything that could possibly compare…"

"Rarity." AJ said. "We all been hurt before. Ain't no one pony's pain any more or less than another's. Pain hurts, no matter who feels it. Ya can lean on us, whatever's hurtin' ya and ain't none of us gonna judge ya."

Rarity smiled at her friend's kind words. "Very well then. I suppose if I have a different understanding of generosity, it would have also stemmed from my parents. You see, when I was a child, I had to work for everything that I wanted. And if I didn't work for it, I didn't get it. Whatever it may have been, a new toy, permission for a school field trip, anything. I wouldn't have minded if their demands weren't so unattainable. For example, when I wanted my first sewing machine. I had to take on the household responsibilities of both of my parents for a full week. Cleaning, gardening, everything except for cooking because my mother feared I'd burn down the house. And that was all for a birthday present." Rarity shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Naturally this caused a lot of strain in my relationship with them and when I moved out I cut all contact with them. They changed their tune quite quickly after they realized they very well might have lost their eldest daughter. Sweetie Belle gets nearly everything she wants." Rarity smiled. "And for her sake, my parents and I have been working on our relationship, but it is a work in progress."

"You don't get jealous?" Rainbow quirked her head.

"Of my sister? Heavens no." Rarity waved off the notion. "That little filly means the world to me. She deserves the best and I am all too happy to see her receive it."

"I hope things get better between you and your parents." Fluttershy said. "At least they know they were wrong and are trying to make it up to you."

"Yes." Rarity nodded. "And I suppose it wouldn't hurt to give them the chance a bit more often."

"I believe we've got this pretty much figured out, girls." Twilight smiled. "They elements most likely chose their respective ponies because each one had seen what a life devoid of that element was like and despite that, keep faith in that element and did their best to uphold the values of it."

"Wait," AJ raised a hoof. "That would mean that you really didn't have a single friend before you met us?"

"Is that true, Twilight? I had always that you'd been exaggerating." Rarity cast a concerned eye to the alicorn.

"No, it's true." Twilight nodded. "But I don't regret it. I mean, if I hadn't locked myself away in my tower I wouldn't have the appreciation for friendship that I do."

"But Twilight," Fluttershy asked. "Why did you choose to live like that. I mean, I've never been very social either but still. To live without any friends at all for your whole life?"

Twilight's smile faded and she lapsed into thought for a moment. "You were never the apprentice to the ruler of a nation either. That's a lot of pressure, even with a mentor as patient and understanding as Celestia. And you all know how well I handle stress. I put so much pressure on myself. I didn't just want to do my best, I _had_ to. And if I didn't, then I wouldn't have been worthy of my position. I was so terribly afraid of failure. Of disappointing Celestia, my family, myself. I threw everything I was into my studies, to learn and master as much as I could so that I wouldn't fail. Days of reading and rereading, of studies and research, of science and philosophy and magic. But as much as I learned, as much knowledge as I gained, there was always so much more. Each question answered left so many more questions in its wake. It's maddening how fast a project on the inherent magical properties of a house cat can spiral into a deep philosophical analysis of life itself. Of a single life. Of its origins, its impact, its… its brevity." Twilights eyes drifted to the fire, just as her friend's had during their monologues.

"I fell into a very dark place for a very long time. I questioned it all. My manic drive towards perfection, the sacrifice of my childhood and emotional stability. What was it all for? I was gaining so much power and knowledge and power but for what? To sit in Cantorlot Castle as Celestia's archmage, doing exactly what I'd been doing my whole life to get there, for the reminder of my life? Who would remember me when I died? Celestia's next protégé when they read through some obscure tome about some non-relevant magical issues of no practical importance? I felt like I'd been lying to myself, telling myself I was special, that I was important because Celestia had chosen me out of all the unicorns in Equestria. I felt like the world was cheating my, mocking me with how little significance I actually had in it despite all my privileges. We, as a race have so much knowledge and power, the very things I had held in so high regard, yet we know, we _are,_ just a drop in an ocean. We're barely past the surface of the whys of it all and all the answers are down at the very deepest depths.

"I had a breakdown. I missed days of sleep, spent hours staring at blank scrolls, burst out into fits of laughter or tears that I couldn't control. Celestia even put my studies on hold because of it. And that was probably when it was at its worst. She had cut me off from my only escape from myself. One night stands out among the rest. I was out on the balcony, overlooking the city and I wondered, how long would this city stand? And how long before the next dominant race built a new grand city atop its ashes. Millions, billions of years? And everything would still be the same. No one would ever even know pony kind had existed and everything would be just the same. I climbed up onto the stone banister and, it's kind of funny because I remember seeing the moonlight reflected off one of the ponds of the garden, like how you saw the light at the bottom of your well. I was about to take that step, when I heard spike crying. He had wandered out of Celestia's room and gotten lost I think. He said he got scared and started crying when he came into my room and couldn't find me. The look he gave me… there was so much… I don't even know what it was, innocence? Love? Whatever it was, it started a fire in me. I had a new objective, one of equal importance to the others. To find meaning. For him. For myself."

The group was very quiet after that for a long moment. Each mare lost in her own thoughts, looking at the ground or at the fire. Except Applejack.

"Have ya?"

Twilight looked up at her friend and nodded. "Yes." She smiled. "Yes, I think I have."

Dear Princess Celestia,

I know I don't need to send you these reports anymore, but I thought you'd like to hear about the camp out my friends and I had at Sweet Apple Acres last night. It was quite a lot of fun. Rarity hoof made new sleeping bags for everypony, Applejack and Pinkie Pie had all sorts of delicious treats for us and Fluttershy taught us a bit about wild animals that can live in an orchard.

I also had quite a surprise when my friends and I uncovered the secret behind why we were each awarded the elements that we were. Through a series of revelations, we discovered that each of us had a unique understanding of our specific elements because of the things that we had gone through in life. We've each seen a place devoid of the element we represented. But instead of losing faith in that element, we each became a paragon for it. We devoted out live to ensuring that no pony we came could say they never knew understanding. To becoming sturdy foundations for our loved ones to lean on in their times of need. To offer friendship to whoever may need it.

Your most faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle


End file.
